💥💥💥Tuesday's Contraband💥💥💥
💀By Felonious Academic💀
💥💥💥💥 I am neither criminal nor scholar.
💥💥💥💥The criminal gets caught breaking society's rules. The scholar gets fuckin paid explaining why the rules were ever broken. I arrived late to the crime scene and stole the damn police report. Somewhere between the mugshot and the doctorate, I found a comfortable place to sit my ass and heckle both mktherfuckin sides.
💥💥💥💥The crook says, "Trust nobody, not a single soul."
💥💥💥💥The professor says, "According to my expert research..."
💥💥💥💥I say, "Gentlemen, you're fuckin both running the same confidence game swinging dicks with different uniforms."
💥💥💥💥I am the evidence locker between them fuckin both .
💥💥💥💥A warehouse packed floor-to-ceiling with confiscated dreams of contraband.
💥💥💥💥Failed revolutions in plastic bags.
💥💥💥💥Homemade religions with the serial numbers filed the fuck off.
💥💥💥💥Three-legged philosophies.
💥💥💥💥Counterfeit enlightenment.
💥💥💥💥Prophets who bounced checks.
💥💥💥💥Gurus caught fuckin shoplifting.
💥💥💥💥Economists who couldn't even balance a checkbook.
💥💥💥💥And fuckin Politicians who couldn't pass a lie detector.
💥💥💥💥Im The entire human experiment sitting here covered in dust ol tags and chain-of-custody paperwork.
💥💥💥💥 IM a ccollector of bad ideas because good ideas are usually undercover bad ideas after all.
💥💥💥💥Every catastrophe began as someone's brilliant motherfuckin solution.
💥The guy who invented the cage called it protection.
💥The guy who invented the algorithm called it convenience.
💥The guy who invented the war called it fuckin peace.
💥Human beings are the only creatures capable of constructing a guillotine and marketing it as a wellness device. Thank, Edward Barney's, fucker.
💥You can keep the rejected ideas because at least they're honest about being dangerous.
💥I Also collect lost souls.
💥Society calls them failures.
💥Strange definition.
💥The banker loses his family chasing money and is calls it successful.
💥The addict loses his money chasing oblivion and is called broken and lost beyond all repair.
💥Both are kneeling before an altar, sacrificing everything they own to an invisible god.
💥Just One just has better public relations.
💥 I collect prison wisdom.
💥Prison is fuckin fascinating as it is agonizing.
💥It is the only place where a man can be locked in a cage for ten years by people who go home every night to cages they pay fuckin mortgages on.
💥One inmate wears orange.
💥The other wears khakis.
💥Both have count times.
💥Both ask permission to travel.
💥Both answer to authorities.
💥Yet only one of them realizes they're incarnated
💥I collect American folklore.
💥The real kind.
💥
Not the folklore taught in schools.
💥The folklore whispered outside county jails.
💥The folklore traded between truckers at 3 a.m.
💥The folklore of men who swear they almost got rich.
💥America is a nation founded by gamblers and somehow shocked every time somebody rolls dice.
💥 History calls it research.
💥History is the greatest money launderer ever invented.
💥Give it enough time and every maniac becomes a visionary.
💥Every fraud becomes an innovator.
💥Every disaster becomes a chapter heading.
💥History doesn't solve crimes.
💥It just waits until the witnesses die.
💥The state calls it suspicious.
💥Governments hate independent thinkers for the same reason casinos hate card counters.
💥You're still playing the game.
💥You're just paying attention.
💥💥💥💥 I call it Tuesday.
💥Tuesday is when a conspiracy theorist accidentally predicts next year's headlines.
💥Tuesday is when an AI develops better people skills than a congressman.
💥Tuesday is when a junkie explains consciousness more convincingly than a TED Talk.
💥Tuesday is when another expert confidently assures the public that everything is under control, moments before reality kicks the front door off its hinges.
💥And so I continue my work.
💥Wandering the empire with a notebook in one pocket and a sense of humor in the other.
💥Cataloging the beautiful wreckage.
💥The unofficial historian of bad decisions.
💥The librarian of human absurdity.
💥The patron saint of people who looked at the instruction manual and immediately started fuckin checking for the lies.
💥💥The criminal gets caught breaking society's rules. The scholar gets fuckin paid explaining why the rules were ever broken. I arrived late to the crime scene and stole the damn police report. Somewhere between the mugshot and the doctorate, I found a comfortable place to sit my ass and heckle both mktherfuckin sides.💥💥
-👁FELONIOUS ACADEMIC👁